Cheeseburger in Purgatory

Things I hate more than most Jimmy Buffett songs:

Terrorists
A stubbed toe
Root canals
Cancer
Head on collisions

You get the idea.  I've pondered this blog post topic for quite a while now.  I know upon reading it, many of my friends might decide I'm not fit to share their company anymore...ever, and that we're just too different to run in the same circles anymore.  But I could no longer sit idly by and pretend to be down with the whole parrot head, blown out flip flop, fins to the left and right, cheeseburger in paradise gig.  I first became aware of Buffett in a doctor's office waiting room in 1974, sandwiched between some Gordon Lightfoot cuts and a little Bread as the song Come Monday tended to be in heavy rotation for all those office visits before I had my tonsils taken out.  That's how far back my distaste for Buffett goes.

Alas, I don't completely hate Jimmy Buffett.  That's why I said "most Jimmy Buffett songs" in the first line here.  Around 1980, my dad bought Jimmy Buffett's A1A album and would spin it regularly.  Songs like Tin Cup Chalice and A Pirate Looks at 40 are, in fact, well-written, beautiful songs.  In fact, the whole record is a pretty good one.  Dad had a friend who loved this record when it came out.  Jerry was an alcoholic with a sad life and his alcoholism eventually killed him.  A Pirate Looks at 40 seemed to be written about him.  "Give me oceans of beer, dinner every day of the year" or "Made enough money to buy Miami but I pissed it away so fast".  When Jerry died, his vinyl copy of A1A and Springsteen's Born in the USA joined him in his casket.  So to my parrot-headed friends reading this, see?  I'm not completely proclaiming that your idol sucks entirely.  He has his merits.  Jerry thought so, too.  He was buried with some of Buffett's music, after all.  And even I, the Buffett hater, find this both sweet and bitter and love to tell my Buffett loving fans that story.

What I cannot wrap my mind around is the idea that anyone on our planet needs to, or wants to, hear Fins, Cheeseburger, or Margaritaville even one more time.  Haven't we all heard it enough?  Does anyone really need to dress up like a cheeseburger or a shark and encourage this artist to play it even one more time?  Apparently so, to my dismay.  Have you seen the droves of people all dressed up like it's the Rocky Horror for middle aged people, heading to a concert venue?  If you are not at a luau on the beach in Hawaii, you should lose the Hawaiian shirt.  There's just no other reason to wear such an atrocity.

Like most things, live and let live, I suppose.  I won't quietly mock you for loving Jimmy Buffett if you won't quietly mock me some of my ridiculous tastes in music.  Just know that if you ever want to torture me on a long car ride, Volcano or Changes in Latitudes will surely drive me over the edge and do the trick.  And as for the torturing of terrorists, forget water boarding.  I think Cheeseburger in Paradise on repeat is just the ticket.